On my last official day in Kyoto I woke up around 6:30 and followed my usual morning routine. Being the last day I was already an emotionally compromised in the morning.
I got to Ritsumeikan around 8:40ish, and it felt aweful knowing that next Monday I will be waking up in a hostel with 3 other strangers in a room and will not be going to school. You could feel it in the air that everyone was weary.
During class I received my final exam score…and let’s just say that I started crying in the middle of class (connect the dots). By the second hour we were allowed to continue working on our skit and we got it down to 6 minutes. Go us!
Class came and went, but this time I was not excited that it was noon, I dreaded the ticking clock.
I remembered to document my lunch. Chicken, rice, melon pan, and apple juice.
During lunch time the Gion dressed up in our yukatas (for our skit). And I took pictures with the buddies I would not see in a long time. I even gave Mitch and Elaine their farewell gifts!
After lunch we had a closing/graduation ceremony for completing the program.
I was a bit nervous during this time because of the performance we were about to do. We all received certificate of completion and it was so well presented!
I did not cry during the closing ceremony, even when the buddies were saying goodbye, because it did not feel like goodbye. Especially since we had a farewell party soon after the ceremony. After all skits were performed the ceremony was over and I got out of my yukata (it was really hot). I quickly ran over to the University shop where I bought another shirt and then chilled around with my friends waiting for the party room to open. During this time Yao Wei and I found out that we were both going to be in Japan next year for a semester, but in different universities in Kyoto. So we decided for spring break we are going to go to Singapore and visit Brian (who will be housing us for a 3-4 days stay). Also, Meagan and Jess offered me their apartments if I ever go up to New York or Boston (yay free housing). I, of course, offered my place in Miami.
I did not eat much during the farewell party and I realised now that it was that at this time I was wrapping my mind around the idea that it was over.
During the party, I took a bunch of selfies with all the buddies and people I became close with. Then…when the party was over…I lost it…and I began crying. Me crying slowly lead to other people crying. I felt really overwhelmed because I was not going to see so many faces that I have grown fond of. Many of the buddies tried to calm me down by reminding me that I was going to return to them next year, so it was not a goodbye but a see you later. To me the problem was not the buddies, because I was indeed going to see them again…what had me emotionally compromised was the people who were not in the buddy system…but actually part of the program. A sudden rush of fear was flowing through me along with trickling sadness. I will no longer see Mitch, Elaine, Brian, Dylan, Meagan, Jess, Angel, Nate…no one. We were all going our separate ways, and we will all likely loose contact.
Like I mentioned previously, I will put all the effort in the world to maintain these friendships, but relationships requires work from both sides…
Oh..during the time of my crying Mika gave me a letter that made cry even more. And earlier that day Elaine gave me a farewell gift that made my heart ache (it was three very cute satin bows).
Franz and I were the last ones to leave the party room because we wanted to say goodbye to Maho. But she was in class so we were forced to leave…and I started crying in the bus on way back to the accommodations. (I am an emotional wreck right now)
When I arrived to my room I finished organizing my luggage and sat around mopping and texting everyone. Telling them how much I already miss them and sending them pictures I had of them. I was also really upset that I did not get to properly say goodbye to Maho…I receive a message from them that they (Hikaru and Maho) were going to stop by my street to see us one last time.
Franz and I rushed to meet with them, and I had my last dinner in Kyoto. To be honest I am not quite sure what I ate and frankly I did not care. I was just treasuring my last few hours with two of my favorite buddies in the whole trip. I am really surprised I did not cry, because I was aching inside. Later, Mitch joined us for dinner.
Unfortunately, Maho had a train to catch, because she lives in Osaka. We had to say our final goodbye and it was aweful (but I did not cry! Close though).
Mitch, Franz and I went to the accommodations in Horikawa where we joined the other Floridians in a little potluck they had going on. While there it hit me that that moment was going to be the last moment we were all going to hang out as close friends, because once we are back in FIU we all continue living our own separate lives. And Mitch would be returning back home to Oklahoma.
Right now, I feel so depressed that I don’t care that I will be going to Disney Sea tomorrow…I don’t care that on sunday I will be marking the Ghibli Museum off my bucket list. I could care less about Tokyo, my homesickness nor anything. All I want to live in an endless loop where I will continue living in Kyoto and exploring the everything this place has to offer. And feel selfish, because I know I will come back next year to complete my minor in Japan, but I currently feel like a piece has me has been ripped out and buried deep inside a temple I have yet explored.
Don’t take me wrong I want to see my family, my friends, and my bed. I miss them all, but right now it doesn’t feel like it does not matter. I love the people at home, but when I return I will fall into a routine again, of just simply living life.
Coming to Kyoto has made me realized how little I have actually lived. Because the world is still beautiful and I have only seen a spec of it.