It is half way through November, meaning the year is nearly over! (OMG). How fast does time go by? Hella
I wanted to talk about life, and by life I mean books. (Which is life…along with food)
Recently, Facebook threw in my face a really old picture of me due to the throwback nonsense it does.
It was a picture of me four years ago. Dear sixteen year old me.
God, that fringe…that cardigan…that everything. What was I thinking? (I wasn’t…clearly).
Seeing that girl in that picture brought back a lot of memories that I have locked away and tried to erase.
Seeing that girl in that picture blew me away, because that girl would not believe anyone if they told her what she would become and who she would lose.
Dear Sixteen-year-old Me,
You are terrified and confused. You do not want know what you want in life, to the point that you question if life is even for you. Believe the words, “It will get better”, because it honestly does. So much better.
You grow confident, how the hell did you do it? I don’t know, but it happened. When someone makes a comment about you, you look at them in the face and smile. You no longer let it eat you up. You are aware of who you are. Your faults and your gifts. You have the weirdest smile; your tongue sticks out a little…embrace that. Practice in front of the mirror and laugh at yourself.
College will come, and it will not be as scary as you made it out to be. You stayed home, and that’s okay…because you met the most wonderful group of individuals and created a cult with them…and you, my dear, as the Queen (metaphorically).
You will lose your best friend. I know. The girl who you’ve known since you were 13, the girl who made you feel not so alone. She leaves. And it is okay. But god it is going to hurt. You are going to cry, you are going to feel like someone tore a part out of you. A big gapping hole. Empty. The parting is gradual, but you feel it. You try, so hard, to make it work, to keep the friendship, to make her keep talking to you. You are going to cry till your eyes burn. You are going to rip some art and photographs up. You are going to write letters that you will never send. Until you write one saying goodbye. There is when you finally let go of those strings.
It will hurt like hell, but it is okay because remember this cult I mentioned…well it is not a cult I was being dramatic. It is a group of people and together (including you darling) create the Magic Kingdom of the Piano Lounge at FIU. I know, hard to believe…you will be part of an actually group of friends who adore you even when you are pain to be around.
There is Mom…she well…is mom and she is your support line, she is the reason you are as strong as a diamond. The moment your confidence falters, even a smidge. She picks you up before you can fall and pushes you forward. There is your reading buddy, thanks to her you will read about 50 books in a single year and made you realize your real dream. There is your Knight, she will be the person who shows you that when a friendship dies a new one blooms (also, your real mom swears you are in lesbians together) because you will be super lovable to one another. There is Thor, he is a giant teddy bear and he makes you realize that being nice is better than being bitter. Then there is the Creator, he made all the happen. He is the reason we all grew so close, because he got sick. Keep an eye on him. Protect him.
There are more people you will meet and they will challenge your life in a positive manner. They want the best for you just like you will want the best for them. This fills that hole that she left you.
You even grew closer to your parents. ( I’m not lying, I swear!)
You grow in a strong independent woman who is like 75% sure what she wants with themselves. You become this girl.
Crazy right? I know. I can hardly believe it. Sixteen year old me, thank you for not giving up on yourself even when you wanted to. Than you for deciding to become the girl I am now.
Incredible what one picture can do. Now I am excited who I will become in four more years. Give me a couple years, I have great plans ahead of me.
Currently Reading: Winter by Marissa Meyer ( It is stressing me out!…in a good way)